Good lifeĀ 


Today I went to my bank and asked them to wave my banking fees as I am a student. I have to bring in my student card every year, but it is worth it. I kept forgetting that the bank can do this and could have saved $25 a month in monthly banking fees… that is money I can now put towards debts. 

I also had coffee at a local Resource Centre and received a free shoulder and neck massage as there were students who needed practical experience. That was an awesome treat!

I have started physio, kinesiology and massage therapy now. I go twice a week for physio and kinesiology, and massage once a week. I have done one week so far, and I am sore but okay. I am hoping to have more strength and less pain after the 14 week program. I find that my back is still sore after doing any prolonged standing or walking and my foot is still sore and randomly goes numb. I still have some nerve pain at times but it is better than before surgery.

Overall life is good. And the weather here is beginning to warm up, so I get to spend more time outside on our deck enjoying it!

Life and Change


6 years ago my life became different. How I got dressed, got in and out of bed, showered… How I viewed my own self worth… 

I had began training for what I had thought would be a new career. I had left my husband and children for this training. 9 days before completion, everything changed – I just didn’t know it yet. 

I was off for a month. Sent back on course, I left again, not knowing my foot injury had never actually healed. After weeks of training, I gave in to the reality that I was actually making my foot worse. I went home. But little did I know that it would take two more years before someone would figure out why my foot was constantly swollen and I was constantly in pain. 

Two years was too long to be limping and favouring my better foot. Long enough, however, to mis-align everything and cause my vertebrae to slip from grade 1 spondylolisthesis to grade 2. Long enough to cause this same vertebrae to break in 4 pieces. And long enough to change my version of life forever. 

I live in constant pain, and over time I have gotten use to the way I have to do things. Some days are harder than others. Sometimes I need help. 

10 weeks. That’s how long my husband has been living in Halifax, Nova Scotia without us. When he left I was working in a job I loved full time. The boys were at camp for the summer, set to return just after he left. No chance to say goodbye to their dad. No time to prepare themselves for this time away from him, as we were only told 2 weeks before that he was leaving. 

My pain does not just affect me. My children’s and husband’s life changed too. They stuck by me when I couldn’t walk and needed help with day to day care. They stick by me when I had lost hope. They do the things I can’t. And it affects them.

When my husband left we were doing okay. Now that my pain has decided to increase, I have come to realize how much I depend on him. Without him here, I do not get help getting dressed or getting in and out of the tub. My children do a lot – help with cleaning (which is constant when you have your house up for sale), cooking, driving… But they are at school during the day.

I am not complaining btw. This post is mostly a reflection on how things are going, mostly for my own self care. It takes me a long time to get dressed, and some days I just stay in the same clothes until I feel well enough to change. I have – so far- been able to get in the tub and getting out is a little more tricky, but so far with all the adaptations I have been able to accomplish the task. 

I am grateful for my husband and children. I don’t ever want to take their help for granted. I appreciate them. But I also worry about them. With all of these unexpected changes and events, I can see it affecting them. So I ask for prayers for my family, and I lift this up to the only one who has control. Thank you Lord for my family.

Matthew 6:24


I read this verse this morning – and I disliked it. I read the King James Version, and then the New Living Translation. I kept thinking, ‘I know that there are troubles in my life, but I am trying to be positive here! Yes, my chronic pain sucks at times, and my family is apart right now… But I am trying to trust and have faith and carry on without making myself more depressed! 

And then I looked at the verse again. 

And I realized who stands with me during these times and am reminded why I can continue through all things, alive with grace.

The Message version:  

Fix my eyes


Things are upside down in my home. We have had a dear friend living with us for almost 5 weeks now after being in the hospital almost 2 weeks. He had a 5 bypass heart surgery and thankfully is doing quite awesome!

For me, this meant missing 2 weeks of work, making my office a bedroom, and some other adjustments in order to accommodate our friend. My husband has been outstanding and patient. My children have been, for the most part, well behaved.

My children are away on a trip and come back soon. This week at work it has been very busy… I finally caught up with all the clients and paperwork I missed while not at work and then I had some other things piling up on my desk at the last minute. With the help of my colleagues I managed to finish almost all of it today! I am so blessed.

The point… All of these trials, and difficulties, turn out to be blessings. I am stronger and wiser because of them. And on days when I am at work and I meet someone who is stuck, or just needs to see past the difficulties, I remember why I am here. This song reminds me as well:

Fix My Eyes by for King & Country

“Love like I’m not scared
Give when it’s not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on You
On You”

Uncertainty


I don’t like uncertainty or change. As I write this, my family sits in uncertainty – waiting to hear if a huge change will be affecting us in the new year. My husband can think of lots of pros, and I can only think of the cons. My children have mixed feelings about the possibility. I do not know what to do or say, and all I can do is wait for the decision to be made and then plan our lives from there.
I am trying really hard to trust God in the uncertain time. I know that whatever happens, God has a plan in it all. But some days that does not make me feel less frustrated or concerned.
I have been working casual at our local homeless shelter (and also volunteer some of my time there). I am enjoying it most days, although working midnights is messing my sleep up on the days I am home. I am working my last week with my client this week, as two jobs were becoming difficult with my nerve pain back and upon suggestion from my doctor I gave notice at this job. I have mixed feelings, as I really enjoyed working with this client.
My kids are amazing. My oldest is doing well living on her own. She works full time and goes to the gym almost everyday. She still eats her weird healthy foods… lol. My sons are busy as cadets and school take up most of their days. Driving them takes some of mine. My oldest son might be getting his licence soon and then he can drive. He has his test in a couple weeks so only time will tell.
I think I need to paint again. Soon. Then maybe all this uncertainty will weigh less on my heart.