6 years ago my life became different. How I got dressed, got in and out of bed, showered… How I viewed my own self worth…
I had began training for what I had thought would be a new career. I had left my husband and children for this training. 9 days before completion, everything changed – I just didn’t know it yet.
I was off for a month. Sent back on course, I left again, not knowing my foot injury had never actually healed. After weeks of training, I gave in to the reality that I was actually making my foot worse. I went home. But little did I know that it would take two more years before someone would figure out why my foot was constantly swollen and I was constantly in pain.
Two years was too long to be limping and favouring my better foot. Long enough, however, to mis-align everything and cause my vertebrae to slip from grade 1 spondylolisthesis to grade 2. Long enough to cause this same vertebrae to break in 4 pieces. And long enough to change my version of life forever.
I live in constant pain, and over time I have gotten use to the way I have to do things. Some days are harder than others. Sometimes I need help.
10 weeks. That’s how long my husband has been living in Halifax, Nova Scotia without us. When he left I was working in a job I loved full time. The boys were at camp for the summer, set to return just after he left. No chance to say goodbye to their dad. No time to prepare themselves for this time away from him, as we were only told 2 weeks before that he was leaving.
My pain does not just affect me. My children’s and husband’s life changed too. They stuck by me when I couldn’t walk and needed help with day to day care. They stick by me when I had lost hope. They do the things I can’t. And it affects them.
When my husband left we were doing okay. Now that my pain has decided to increase, I have come to realize how much I depend on him. Without him here, I do not get help getting dressed or getting in and out of the tub. My children do a lot – help with cleaning (which is constant when you have your house up for sale), cooking, driving… But they are at school during the day.
I am not complaining btw. This post is mostly a reflection on how things are going, mostly for my own self care. It takes me a long time to get dressed, and some days I just stay in the same clothes until I feel well enough to change. I have – so far- been able to get in the tub and getting out is a little more tricky, but so far with all the adaptations I have been able to accomplish the task.
I am grateful for my husband and children. I don’t ever want to take their help for granted. I appreciate them. But I also worry about them. With all of these unexpected changes and events, I can see it affecting them. So I ask for prayers for my family, and I lift this up to the only one who has control. Thank you Lord for my family.