I have been married for 16 years. In 2008 my husband and I separated. In 2009 we reconciled. I would like to think we have never been happier, but as I have learned, marriage isn’t easy and you can never assume anything.
Relationships, ones where the intention is to be committed and life-long, are plastic… Mouldable… Ever changing. Why? Because people are. We don’t stay the same. Ever. We learn, grow, and change.
How did we reconcile and stay together even through some of the roughest, heart wrenching changes?
1. We talk. All the time. Sometimes it’s about nothing substantial, but communication is key. We don’t assume the other person knows what we want, need or are thinking. We talk about it.
2. We go on dates. Even when our three children were younger, we have tried to have a date at least once a week child-free. This could mean driving and talking with a Tim’s in hand, or stargazing, or actually going out somewhere. We spend time together, and enjoy each other.
3. We are intimate. We hold hands. We hug. We tell each other every day how much we appreciate being together.
4. We choose each other. This is a huge part of us being able to reconcile after our separation. We could have chosen to part ways, we were, after all, living apart. But once we were able to stand being in the same room together and actually talk, we realized how much we love each other despite our faults. And now everyday, we choose to be together, to love each other, to remain committed forever and always.
It isn’t always easy. We get on each other’s nerves, we disagree, and we drive each other crazy sometimes. But we have known each other 19 years and have been married for 16 of them, so we must be doing something right!